Nova, Me and my Man...
12 hours ago
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
just a really quick one...
wanted to pop on here and let you know I will be returning to blog and blog again in a couple weeks....have a couple projects that are just consuming my time. I can't wait to catch up on your blogs as well! :o) enjoy today!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Problem With Love
I was just sitting around listening to the rain pounding on the roof and spending a few quiet moments observing the silence...looking for something to write about....when it occurred to me: Love as wonderful as this state of being is, it is not without rough edges as well.
That euphoric, giddy, all's right in the world feeling snaps our hearts up, turns our brains to mush, then changes its chameleon colors as if it had never struck us. The "newness" wears off and it becomes commonplace to see the object of our affections with the same take it for granted glance we give our toothbrush in the morning.
For some, there is comfort in the security of knowing this person is now as much a piece of their lives as the refrigerator in the kitchen. For many, it is a cause of alarm...what happened to the love? Where'd it go? Was it there to begin with? Who is this person who occupies my space? Why don't I feel the same about him/her? Sometimes these questions lead to second guessing decisions we've made and separations seem to be the only answer.
Now, I've never believed love to be fickle. It doesn't just come, grab us by the ears, and tug us along until we holler,"Ok, already, I give--I love this person..." then leave one spring evening with the last few traces of winter's snow. Like the seasons, it changes.
That person who used to show up at our doorstep may not make our heart pound out the newest rap song against our chest anymore, but he/she is the one who gets up early Sunday mornings while we lay comfortably asleep and heads to the market for the newspaper and apple cider donuts....just because. They fix our cars when the engine won't turn over, seal kitchen pipes when the water is flooding the inside of our cabinets, or brush the dog so his fur won't make our allergies act up. They make chocolate chip cookies on rainy days...just like Grandma used to bake, press our clothes so the crease is just the way we like it in our jeans, or use the solid blue sheet set instead of the floral design we just can't stand.
The person who used to surprise us with fresh flowers every week and take us to dinner on Saturday nights now pays the electric bill, the mortgage, and buys the oil to keep us warm in the winter months so we won't have to worry. The "sweet nothings" may not be heard as frequently as the snoring after a hard day's work, but the bills are paid.
The person who used to spend hours with her hair and make up then tried on ten outfits to find the perfect sexy number to wear out on a Friday night now looks a bit frumpled in her sweats and oversized tshirt, but the house is vaccumed, the beds are made, dishes washed, and the children are supervised and feel loved.
The person who used to listen intently to our anecdotes can now recite the same stories verbatim but he/she can also hear our innermost thoughts with just a glance in our eyes. They don't need to be told when to give us space or when to hold us close. They are already holding the box of tissues before our first tear falls. Mere words have been replaced with gestures, glances and quiet understanding.
Seems to me, love hasn't disappeared at all...changed, yes....love has matured and created a bond where two spirits have become one. Their needs and desires, though left unspoken, are fulfilled quietly and without expectations. Each person separate, yet connected, they breathe as one.
Here's wishing you a day of reflection where you find and capture the essence of the love which surrounds you.
That euphoric, giddy, all's right in the world feeling snaps our hearts up, turns our brains to mush, then changes its chameleon colors as if it had never struck us. The "newness" wears off and it becomes commonplace to see the object of our affections with the same take it for granted glance we give our toothbrush in the morning.
For some, there is comfort in the security of knowing this person is now as much a piece of their lives as the refrigerator in the kitchen. For many, it is a cause of alarm...what happened to the love? Where'd it go? Was it there to begin with? Who is this person who occupies my space? Why don't I feel the same about him/her? Sometimes these questions lead to second guessing decisions we've made and separations seem to be the only answer.
Now, I've never believed love to be fickle. It doesn't just come, grab us by the ears, and tug us along until we holler,"Ok, already, I give--I love this person..." then leave one spring evening with the last few traces of winter's snow. Like the seasons, it changes.
That person who used to show up at our doorstep may not make our heart pound out the newest rap song against our chest anymore, but he/she is the one who gets up early Sunday mornings while we lay comfortably asleep and heads to the market for the newspaper and apple cider donuts....just because. They fix our cars when the engine won't turn over, seal kitchen pipes when the water is flooding the inside of our cabinets, or brush the dog so his fur won't make our allergies act up. They make chocolate chip cookies on rainy days...just like Grandma used to bake, press our clothes so the crease is just the way we like it in our jeans, or use the solid blue sheet set instead of the floral design we just can't stand.
The person who used to surprise us with fresh flowers every week and take us to dinner on Saturday nights now pays the electric bill, the mortgage, and buys the oil to keep us warm in the winter months so we won't have to worry. The "sweet nothings" may not be heard as frequently as the snoring after a hard day's work, but the bills are paid.
The person who used to spend hours with her hair and make up then tried on ten outfits to find the perfect sexy number to wear out on a Friday night now looks a bit frumpled in her sweats and oversized tshirt, but the house is vaccumed, the beds are made, dishes washed, and the children are supervised and feel loved.
The person who used to listen intently to our anecdotes can now recite the same stories verbatim but he/she can also hear our innermost thoughts with just a glance in our eyes. They don't need to be told when to give us space or when to hold us close. They are already holding the box of tissues before our first tear falls. Mere words have been replaced with gestures, glances and quiet understanding.
Seems to me, love hasn't disappeared at all...changed, yes....love has matured and created a bond where two spirits have become one. Their needs and desires, though left unspoken, are fulfilled quietly and without expectations. Each person separate, yet connected, they breathe as one.
Here's wishing you a day of reflection where you find and capture the essence of the love which surrounds you.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Learning to Love Again
I was going to entitle this blog "Love the Second Time Around," but it occured to me that perhaps for some of us it isn't the second, maybe not even the third or fourth time...lol soooo "Learning to Love Again" seemed appropriate.
It's no secret that I'm in a wonderful space right now. The observant surmised my distraction long before I unfolded the secret in a previous blog. Heck, I think some people in my 3d world knew long before I did too...or at least long before I was brave enough to 'go with the flow.'
Life has sure changed and things I've done or looked at a zillion times seem new. I have found the key to living expectantly...just knowing something wonderful will happen before each day is deemed complete. Of course, my perceptions of all things has changed ...just seeing a sparkle in "LC's" eye sets my heart to dancing...I am literally bubbling over with joy...it's amazing and yes, intoxicating at times...but rather than talk about how I'm feeling...let's talk about how it all came to be...what's different this time....
Upon some reflection, me! lol Yes, that's correct. I am different...and perhaps that is where we all need to begin, with ourselves. When we can get down and dirty with all of our emotions - even those we hide deep inside- and take the time to sort through the garbage, toss it out, but remember the lessons...we take a big step towards finding who we truly are.
Sure, we all have our faults or those things that crush us inside, but we also have the capacity to provide compassion within...to love ourselves so that we may love others. For if we are in turmoil or if we are empty inside how can we ever have the ability to care deeply about anyone? Or even if we find we can love.....how can it be fully when we aren't whole inside? Yes, the truth of it all, in my opinion, is to learn to nurture our own spirits, minds, bodies...our completeness....we must first love ourselves fully in order to love another completely and without any preconceived conditions or stipulations. Just free, intense, unconditional love.
Through the process of learning self-love, we will also learn how we as individuals want to be loved....what makes us genuinely happy. Not all of us would be happy with a self-assured smart aleck, or a confident, muscle bound beach bum, or a conservative, self made millionaire....sure personality, looks, and money all play a part in our relationships but each of us has a need for a varying degree of all of these qualities.
Myself, I base someone's standing upon loyalty, playfulness, and yes, their own self-confidence. I've shared before about my abandonment issues so it's natural for me to desire trust to the nth degree....and yes, that only develops over time...with tons of patience...lol.... I love to have fun... I'd be the first one on the beach with a pail and shovel building sand castles so my selected partner would have to play-- no doubts about it...I missed too much of my childhood doing other things so perhaps that is why I find joy playing now. Lastly, whoever is with me must be self-confident. I tend to surround myself with creative, highly intelligent, and powerful people and I am very adament about my friends and activities...so my better half has to be confident enough to know that special place in my heart is owned only by their spirit. Sure, there are other qualities I need, but these three seem to top my current list and all were missing from my other relationships.
Which takes me to my last thought...what's different when we learn to love this time? Again, me, you, us! We have past experience to know where we don't want to be, how we don't want to live, and what is not going to make us happy. We now have self-love and are not willing to settle for less than we want or need. Given those circumstances, once we find that someone seems to me we sure have the ability to love completely and unconditionally. What could be greater?
On that note, I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend. Enjoy the springtime that is unfolding before our eyes...it's a wonderful season to be free, happy, and yes, loved.
It's no secret that I'm in a wonderful space right now. The observant surmised my distraction long before I unfolded the secret in a previous blog. Heck, I think some people in my 3d world knew long before I did too...or at least long before I was brave enough to 'go with the flow.'
Life has sure changed and things I've done or looked at a zillion times seem new. I have found the key to living expectantly...just knowing something wonderful will happen before each day is deemed complete. Of course, my perceptions of all things has changed ...just seeing a sparkle in "LC's" eye sets my heart to dancing...I am literally bubbling over with joy...it's amazing and yes, intoxicating at times...but rather than talk about how I'm feeling...let's talk about how it all came to be...what's different this time....
Upon some reflection, me! lol Yes, that's correct. I am different...and perhaps that is where we all need to begin, with ourselves. When we can get down and dirty with all of our emotions - even those we hide deep inside- and take the time to sort through the garbage, toss it out, but remember the lessons...we take a big step towards finding who we truly are.
Sure, we all have our faults or those things that crush us inside, but we also have the capacity to provide compassion within...to love ourselves so that we may love others. For if we are in turmoil or if we are empty inside how can we ever have the ability to care deeply about anyone? Or even if we find we can love.....how can it be fully when we aren't whole inside? Yes, the truth of it all, in my opinion, is to learn to nurture our own spirits, minds, bodies...our completeness....we must first love ourselves fully in order to love another completely and without any preconceived conditions or stipulations. Just free, intense, unconditional love.
Through the process of learning self-love, we will also learn how we as individuals want to be loved....what makes us genuinely happy. Not all of us would be happy with a self-assured smart aleck, or a confident, muscle bound beach bum, or a conservative, self made millionaire....sure personality, looks, and money all play a part in our relationships but each of us has a need for a varying degree of all of these qualities.
Myself, I base someone's standing upon loyalty, playfulness, and yes, their own self-confidence. I've shared before about my abandonment issues so it's natural for me to desire trust to the nth degree....and yes, that only develops over time...with tons of patience...lol.... I love to have fun... I'd be the first one on the beach with a pail and shovel building sand castles so my selected partner would have to play-- no doubts about it...I missed too much of my childhood doing other things so perhaps that is why I find joy playing now. Lastly, whoever is with me must be self-confident. I tend to surround myself with creative, highly intelligent, and powerful people and I am very adament about my friends and activities...so my better half has to be confident enough to know that special place in my heart is owned only by their spirit. Sure, there are other qualities I need, but these three seem to top my current list and all were missing from my other relationships.
Which takes me to my last thought...what's different when we learn to love this time? Again, me, you, us! We have past experience to know where we don't want to be, how we don't want to live, and what is not going to make us happy. We now have self-love and are not willing to settle for less than we want or need. Given those circumstances, once we find that someone seems to me we sure have the ability to love completely and unconditionally. What could be greater?
On that note, I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend. Enjoy the springtime that is unfolding before our eyes...it's a wonderful season to be free, happy, and yes, loved.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Priceless...
We've all seen them. The big trucks who seem to feel they own the road. They come flying out of nowhere and even though you're doing 45 in a 35 you are too slow for them. "Move over I'm coming through," they seem to shout as they fly over double lines to pass because Heaven forbid they are 15th at the approaching stoplight and not 14th!
And there's never a cop around when you want to see flashing blue lights.
The other morning I experienced someone's need for speed and was almost pushed off the road. Not carrying a caffeine elixir through my veins yet, I was ticked. Ok, I said some not so nice things, but I sure didn't fly after him like I would have once. What would be the point? Never helped the situation before.
I kept driving down the road, through the center of town, and around the corner from home and voila--- flashing blues! Oh, and what was that, the very same green truck with the driver handing over his license and registration. Yesssssss....justice...
Oh it gets better.
I stopped at the convenience store and got a coffee. Chit chatted for a bit. Drove home and was sitting in my yard listening to music. Enjoying the spring morning, I popped from the car in time to hear a door slam. Curious, my eyes followed the sound.
Someone was not a happy camper slamming things around on their porch and yelling obscenities. Then I looked in front of the house and realized the dang maniacal driver was my own neighbor three doors down!
The last thing I heard as I opened my house door: "Take your damn ticket and shove it you mf-er." Yep...justice....
Car= 14,500 Gas= 24.00 Dumb ass driver getting stopped= priceless. :oP
And there's never a cop around when you want to see flashing blue lights.
The other morning I experienced someone's need for speed and was almost pushed off the road. Not carrying a caffeine elixir through my veins yet, I was ticked. Ok, I said some not so nice things, but I sure didn't fly after him like I would have once. What would be the point? Never helped the situation before.
I kept driving down the road, through the center of town, and around the corner from home and voila--- flashing blues! Oh, and what was that, the very same green truck with the driver handing over his license and registration. Yesssssss....justice...
Oh it gets better.
I stopped at the convenience store and got a coffee. Chit chatted for a bit. Drove home and was sitting in my yard listening to music. Enjoying the spring morning, I popped from the car in time to hear a door slam. Curious, my eyes followed the sound.
Someone was not a happy camper slamming things around on their porch and yelling obscenities. Then I looked in front of the house and realized the dang maniacal driver was my own neighbor three doors down!
The last thing I heard as I opened my house door: "Take your damn ticket and shove it you mf-er." Yep...justice....
Car= 14,500 Gas= 24.00 Dumb ass driver getting stopped= priceless. :oP
Friday, March 27, 2009
Just Rambling
5:25 PM 3/27/2009
Euphoric. Yeah, that about sums it all up. Even though the
stressors are still present and the sickies came to visit, unbelievably
I'm still in a super great space.
After much reflection, I've learned we all hold the ultimate
magic within ourselves to be in whatever state of mind we want to consume
and/or exhibit.
We are not our circumstances. They do not dictate who we truly are nor
do they govern how happy life is or isn't for us. We do. Even those of
us who believe the world is stacked against our happiness are actually
piling the despair upon ourselves. As hard as that fact may be to swallow,
if we can accept its truth, we can align ourselves with joy, beauty and
love.
Strangely, I've taken notice of people in my 3d world and it's been my
personal observation that most of the time the things they are complaining
about are self-created. Situations that, if attacked with a more positive
action, would never arise or could easily be conquered when an obstacle does
arise.
For example, a phone call from Josie: "I am so stressed. Rent is due and
I ain't got it. Too many bills. Got a shut off notice and can't pay the
lights. Wish someone could help me..."
Okay, we can all sympathize especially in these trying times...but five
minutes into the conversation:"Oh, you have got to run by Sherry's Bargain
Basement, Monday I bought the most gorgeous shoes for only 98 bucks. Don't
know where I'll ever wear them, but I couldn't resist. They are simply
gorgeous."
Um, can you say,"Wake up!"
Or how about this conversation: "No one understands. All we do is argue.
She says she wants to spend time with me and then when I get a day off, she
leaves to go out with her friends. How am I supposed to make her happy if she
isn't home?" Poor guy, right?
Overheard later in the next room,"Well, Tom, you know she wouldn't have
wanted to go fishing so I just carted all the gear out to the truck
before she got up. Then Bill called, and even though I was hung over from
guys night out at the club, I met him for a drink, then it was straight
home with the newspaper. Sally was angry I put my worms in the frig before I
even had a chance to tell her I wanted to go fishing that afternoon. She doesn't
understand I need my time with the guys."
Hmm...makes one think, eh?
Okay, I'll even come clean and give you a personal story. For almost six
months last year I was in danger of losing my house. Financially I was in the
toilet. My attitude left a lot to be desired. This was when I had a daily choice
to make: was I going to just crumble and become bitter, angry and frustrated or
could I find a way to coast through each day spreading a bit of joy and therefore
feeling happier with my present situation? Obviously, I chose the second option.
Admittedly, sometimes begrudgingly, but I chose it just the same.
Keeping a smile on my face and joy in my spirit (why not? I was alive still!),
it wasn't long before my actions (caring for anything that needed attention in my
now) led me to a brighter space...and yes, the house is still mine. But ya know,
I think the turning point was when I decided even if I lost everything I owned, life
would still be okay. They were just things! They didn't and they don't define me.
Material items can always be recovered or replaced. After all, I sure can't take
the house and all its possessions with me when I leave this world...so do I truly
own anything? Anyway, as long as I could still surround myself with the people who
love me and too, keep a joyful, peaceful spirit, everything would be okay.
When we can find equanimity and relax into that state, it's amazing how much
control we have over our destiny. To me, living expectantly and loving
wholeheartedly, I am constantly amazed how things just seem to fall into place.
It's almost like the universe parts and carves a path for me to follow.
No, it may not always be easy to accept our situations and especially the fact
that we in some way created them, but once we claim our responsibility and change
our perceptions, the world sure looks different...what a huge beautiful playground
we have to play within. Anyone got a pail and shovel? I'll grab the squirt guns!
In closing I wish for each of you, the ability to remain calm, peaceful and
joyous in the worst of times...a positive attitude of determination, hope and faith
...and yes, a playful childlike spirit where love knows no bounds.
Hugs :o)
Euphoric. Yeah, that about sums it all up. Even though the
stressors are still present and the sickies came to visit, unbelievably
I'm still in a super great space.
After much reflection, I've learned we all hold the ultimate
magic within ourselves to be in whatever state of mind we want to consume
and/or exhibit.
We are not our circumstances. They do not dictate who we truly are nor
do they govern how happy life is or isn't for us. We do. Even those of
us who believe the world is stacked against our happiness are actually
piling the despair upon ourselves. As hard as that fact may be to swallow,
if we can accept its truth, we can align ourselves with joy, beauty and
love.
Strangely, I've taken notice of people in my 3d world and it's been my
personal observation that most of the time the things they are complaining
about are self-created. Situations that, if attacked with a more positive
action, would never arise or could easily be conquered when an obstacle does
arise.
For example, a phone call from Josie: "I am so stressed. Rent is due and
I ain't got it. Too many bills. Got a shut off notice and can't pay the
lights. Wish someone could help me..."
Okay, we can all sympathize especially in these trying times...but five
minutes into the conversation:"Oh, you have got to run by Sherry's Bargain
Basement, Monday I bought the most gorgeous shoes for only 98 bucks. Don't
know where I'll ever wear them, but I couldn't resist. They are simply
gorgeous."
Um, can you say,"Wake up!"
Or how about this conversation: "No one understands. All we do is argue.
She says she wants to spend time with me and then when I get a day off, she
leaves to go out with her friends. How am I supposed to make her happy if she
isn't home?" Poor guy, right?
Overheard later in the next room,"Well, Tom, you know she wouldn't have
wanted to go fishing so I just carted all the gear out to the truck
before she got up. Then Bill called, and even though I was hung over from
guys night out at the club, I met him for a drink, then it was straight
home with the newspaper. Sally was angry I put my worms in the frig before I
even had a chance to tell her I wanted to go fishing that afternoon. She doesn't
understand I need my time with the guys."
Hmm...makes one think, eh?
Okay, I'll even come clean and give you a personal story. For almost six
months last year I was in danger of losing my house. Financially I was in the
toilet. My attitude left a lot to be desired. This was when I had a daily choice
to make: was I going to just crumble and become bitter, angry and frustrated or
could I find a way to coast through each day spreading a bit of joy and therefore
feeling happier with my present situation? Obviously, I chose the second option.
Admittedly, sometimes begrudgingly, but I chose it just the same.
Keeping a smile on my face and joy in my spirit (why not? I was alive still!),
it wasn't long before my actions (caring for anything that needed attention in my
now) led me to a brighter space...and yes, the house is still mine. But ya know,
I think the turning point was when I decided even if I lost everything I owned, life
would still be okay. They were just things! They didn't and they don't define me.
Material items can always be recovered or replaced. After all, I sure can't take
the house and all its possessions with me when I leave this world...so do I truly
own anything? Anyway, as long as I could still surround myself with the people who
love me and too, keep a joyful, peaceful spirit, everything would be okay.
When we can find equanimity and relax into that state, it's amazing how much
control we have over our destiny. To me, living expectantly and loving
wholeheartedly, I am constantly amazed how things just seem to fall into place.
It's almost like the universe parts and carves a path for me to follow.
No, it may not always be easy to accept our situations and especially the fact
that we in some way created them, but once we claim our responsibility and change
our perceptions, the world sure looks different...what a huge beautiful playground
we have to play within. Anyone got a pail and shovel? I'll grab the squirt guns!
In closing I wish for each of you, the ability to remain calm, peaceful and
joyous in the worst of times...a positive attitude of determination, hope and faith
...and yes, a playful childlike spirit where love knows no bounds.
Hugs :o)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Honored!
I was honored today to receive a blog award! Wow! You made my day, Lea! I met Lea here at blogspot. She was going through a trying time, spilling her feelings in her blogs and I related oh so much to her past and present. What a sweet, caring, funloving individual. Please go check out her writings at: Whispering Soul.
Okay, this award came with some rules...did I say rules?! Ugh!! lol...."These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."....as luck would have it, I have eight public followers sooooo *drumroll* please...to my 8 loyal followers, it's my pleasure to present you all with the coveted "friendship award."
You each keep me entertained daily with your blogs and comments. Thank you!!!
Okay, this award came with some rules...did I say rules?! Ugh!! lol...."These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."....as luck would have it, I have eight public followers sooooo *drumroll* please...to my 8 loyal followers, it's my pleasure to present you all with the coveted "friendship award."
You each keep me entertained daily with your blogs and comments. Thank you!!!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Incredible dawn
Incredible.
Have you ever awakened to see the beautiful wrapper encapsulating the one you love and had it take your breath away? Make your heart skip a beat? Did your insides begin to dance to the music of your soul?
It's in these predawn moments when the sun barely begins to reflect off the window that I happen to pause, breathe, and focus on the corners of your mouth upturning into a gentle smile as your cheek recognizes my caress. Whispering "I love you, honey," my arms soon wrap around your warm body, eager to relax into quiet togetherness.
For at least the next half hour, we remain still. Groggy, yes, but more of a calm observer to our thoughts as they wander freely and comfortably safe. How great it is to set the alarm just a few minutes earlier than need be.
I'm not a morning person, but even I have to agree these silent times are a treasure. No noise. No stress. No chaos. Just peaceful quiet and the union of two spirits who share an undying love.
Incredible.
Have you ever awakened to see the beautiful wrapper encapsulating the one you love and had it take your breath away? Make your heart skip a beat? Did your insides begin to dance to the music of your soul?
It's in these predawn moments when the sun barely begins to reflect off the window that I happen to pause, breathe, and focus on the corners of your mouth upturning into a gentle smile as your cheek recognizes my caress. Whispering "I love you, honey," my arms soon wrap around your warm body, eager to relax into quiet togetherness.
For at least the next half hour, we remain still. Groggy, yes, but more of a calm observer to our thoughts as they wander freely and comfortably safe. How great it is to set the alarm just a few minutes earlier than need be.
I'm not a morning person, but even I have to agree these silent times are a treasure. No noise. No stress. No chaos. Just peaceful quiet and the union of two spirits who share an undying love.
Incredible.
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